illusions of grandeur

As of right now, there are 13 days, less than 1 hour, and several fleeting minutes until graduation. The pieces have been knit, sewn together, blocked, and hung on a wall for all to see. The video plays on constant loop. The yarn pile sits ominously as the faint whispers of the headphones recite the longings of a broken heart. The opening of the show has passed with pomp and circumstance. Now follow a procession of obligations. Papers, critiques, and events I have spent 4 years earning. Yet it still feels unreal. I'm really done. All I have to do is show up. Yet somehow I cannot accept that as fact.

I'm having a hard time grasping that I'm graduating as an Artist. With a capital A. I am a Knitter with a capital K. I will have a degree that should be worth something.

And then the reality sets in that I will be paying off my college loans until I'm 50. I'll be paying my kids college loans until I die. And that before I've even bought my own house, vehicle, or other large investment, I will be hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.

Hurray for Capitalism.