stepping stones and stumbling blocks

Oh hey blog that I haven't updated in months! How have you been? I kinda dropped off the face of the earth, huh? Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Things have been changing for me, big time.

I'm going through a kind of metamorphosis, if you will. No I'm not going to wrap myself up in a cocoon and sprout wings, or at least not physically. But I am going under a complete change of myself. I want to be me, whoever that is, and it's probably going to take me a while to figure out exactly what that means. And though I never plan on coming to a finite resolution of what that means, I am also willing to accept that I will be constantly changing. But there needs to be some foundation on which these things can change. And maybe through the little things, and through my art, I can figure out what I am meant to be. Not dictated by what society says I should be or by what others say I should want, but what I was created to be and desire.

So I've started looking at my past, and reminding myself of things I liked, and questioning if I still liked them, and what I would do with them now. I remembered the blonde streak in my hair, and how much I loved it, despite it's desire to easily tangle. So back in it goes. I remembered how much I love writing, and blogging, so here I am. There is so much I loved doing that I don't do anymore, and there really isn't a reason (ok, maybe other than not having the time to do so) that I don't do it anymore. I think it's going to take a lot of planning to fit it all in, because now that I'm working a "real job" that takes huge chunks of my time, I have to work around that. I'm prepared for this to take a while, but I think that's kind of the point.

There will be pictures! And lots of other cool stuff, so stay tuned. It's only going to get better.

it's all over

It's all over now.

I am a married woman.

And I've never been happier. :D

Pictures to come; I'm still trying to deal with the aftermath of the Honeymoon. And get everything in from people.

something's missing...

I had a realization.

I was going over my attire for the wedding. I've got something old. I've got something new. I've got something borrowed (Or at least LOTS of offers), and something blue. I've even got something 7 (something that belongs to my brother). But I don't have anything knit.

And that's a problem.

I've had several wonderful suggestions, but nothing really jumps out screaming "I'm it! I'm what you should wear to your wedding!!"

So I'm just going to knit a whole bunch of stuff and decide later.

little things

It takes a lot of little things to make up big things, and I feel like that's what the last few weeks have been. doing a bunch of little things to make the big things happen. Now that I've made it through graduation, the next thing I have to worry about is the wedding.

Yes. MY Wedding.

Yeah, it's happening, and it's happening fast. Like 20 days fast. Egads!!

Don't worry, I'm not going to turn this into a "oh em gee, it's my wedding" and get all mushy gushy on you. It makes me nauseous, so why would I subject you to that?

On the other hand, don't worry. There will be TONS of pictures. :)

temporary freedom

I did it. I graduated. It's all over.



For now.

But really, it's just the beginning of a new chapter.

Bring it.

illusions of grandeur

As of right now, there are 13 days, less than 1 hour, and several fleeting minutes until graduation. The pieces have been knit, sewn together, blocked, and hung on a wall for all to see. The video plays on constant loop. The yarn pile sits ominously as the faint whispers of the headphones recite the longings of a broken heart. The opening of the show has passed with pomp and circumstance. Now follow a procession of obligations. Papers, critiques, and events I have spent 4 years earning. Yet it still feels unreal. I'm really done. All I have to do is show up. Yet somehow I cannot accept that as fact.

I'm having a hard time grasping that I'm graduating as an Artist. With a capital A. I am a Knitter with a capital K. I will have a degree that should be worth something.

And then the reality sets in that I will be paying off my college loans until I'm 50. I'll be paying my kids college loans until I die. And that before I've even bought my own house, vehicle, or other large investment, I will be hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.

Hurray for Capitalism.

i feel like i'm giving birth

It's not painful in the same way, but it's certainly exhausting. But here it is, or at least most of it. I think I'll let you enjoy these few pictures while I go and rest a while.