something's missing...

I had a realization.

I was going over my attire for the wedding. I've got something old. I've got something new. I've got something borrowed (Or at least LOTS of offers), and something blue. I've even got something 7 (something that belongs to my brother). But I don't have anything knit.

And that's a problem.

I've had several wonderful suggestions, but nothing really jumps out screaming "I'm it! I'm what you should wear to your wedding!!"

So I'm just going to knit a whole bunch of stuff and decide later.

little things

It takes a lot of little things to make up big things, and I feel like that's what the last few weeks have been. doing a bunch of little things to make the big things happen. Now that I've made it through graduation, the next thing I have to worry about is the wedding.

Yes. MY Wedding.

Yeah, it's happening, and it's happening fast. Like 20 days fast. Egads!!

Don't worry, I'm not going to turn this into a "oh em gee, it's my wedding" and get all mushy gushy on you. It makes me nauseous, so why would I subject you to that?

On the other hand, don't worry. There will be TONS of pictures. :)

temporary freedom

I did it. I graduated. It's all over.



For now.

But really, it's just the beginning of a new chapter.

Bring it.

illusions of grandeur

As of right now, there are 13 days, less than 1 hour, and several fleeting minutes until graduation. The pieces have been knit, sewn together, blocked, and hung on a wall for all to see. The video plays on constant loop. The yarn pile sits ominously as the faint whispers of the headphones recite the longings of a broken heart. The opening of the show has passed with pomp and circumstance. Now follow a procession of obligations. Papers, critiques, and events I have spent 4 years earning. Yet it still feels unreal. I'm really done. All I have to do is show up. Yet somehow I cannot accept that as fact.

I'm having a hard time grasping that I'm graduating as an Artist. With a capital A. I am a Knitter with a capital K. I will have a degree that should be worth something.

And then the reality sets in that I will be paying off my college loans until I'm 50. I'll be paying my kids college loans until I die. And that before I've even bought my own house, vehicle, or other large investment, I will be hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.

Hurray for Capitalism.

i feel like i'm giving birth

It's not painful in the same way, but it's certainly exhausting. But here it is, or at least most of it. I think I'll let you enjoy these few pictures while I go and rest a while.

I spent all day yesterday knitting patiently away. 3 rectangles to go. 2 rectangles to go. By the last few rows of the final rectangle my heart was pounding. The anticipation of actually having a tangible benchmark to have something completed was immense. Around 9, I had finished the final square. I sewed it to the rest of its panel, laid out all three on the floor and stood back. This was it, just as I imagined it would be. Final, and white, in all its glory.

Well, almost. At that time it looked like a toddler's puzzle.

The hand knit blocks look huge compared to the machine knit ones, but don't worry, they do fit together. I have now started the painful process of the 3 inch garter stitch border, made up like a log cabin. So right now, on my poor needles are 6 feet worth of stitches. But it will be so worth it.

26 days.

Today, it feels attainable.

a deeper reflection

"Hearing your comments, I'd like to think I know what I do, but the truth is I don't. There are many considerations and I don't know how to satisfy them all. ... I might decide that you're right, and change everything. Or I might decide that you are right and change nothing. Or I might decide to move down a new path, and create something entirely different from what you've seen." ~ Brenda Dayne

Right now, every fiber of my being is telling me to change nothing. And so shall it be. I know nothing, and admit that readily, but for once in my life I would like to feel proud and confident of what I'm doing, and right now, this is it. Its not a final "I will never do anything like this again" feeling but a "This is what this is supposed to be, and needs to be, and I should not change it" feeling. It will be what it wants to be. I am no more than a maker; I make what the object tells me it wants to be.

I have had Brenda Dayne's podcast Cast On on my list for a while now, but am just finally sitting down to listen to them. This particular episode, entitled "On Gauge" was cast in 2006, and yet it still proves to be as powerful today as it was then.

28 days.

Today, it feels like a heavy weight.